Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
