so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
