Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
