Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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