i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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