Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
