I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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