yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
