What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
