the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
