She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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