My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
