i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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