he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
