shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
