yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize