words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
