I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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