"it" just moved
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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