I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
