'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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