Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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