Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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