I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize