the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
