this beer tastes like vomit already
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
