her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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