just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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