I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
