No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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