i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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