I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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