Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She bit a glass in half.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
