Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
