i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
