I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
