I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize