So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
