I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
