Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
