can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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