I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
