just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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