its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
