The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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