im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
