So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
