Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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