I will die if light touches me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
