Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
