we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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