Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
