the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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