last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
