Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
