you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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