I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
