We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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