In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
