I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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