I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
