just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
