who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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