Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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