Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
