Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
