I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
