since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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