Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize