Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
