Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
