i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
