I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
