i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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