Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize