DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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