Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
