So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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