okay pat passed out under dana's car
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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