Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
