You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
