dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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